The following is the third in a series of five assignments I give early in my freshman composition classes to help students find relatively easy ways to revise their papers. I find that it helps students, especially many community college students who may not have done a great deal of writing in high school. The “Five Easy Ways” offer students five almost grammar-free issues to look for in their papers. I have found that when students locate these issues and re-write the sentences containing them, then their writing improves, sometimes just a little, but enough for them to begin to better understand the process of revision and editing.
Here is the assignment as given to my online freshman composition students:
Five Easy Ways to Improve Your Writing–Part Three–Eliminating Unnecessary Words and Phrases–
Often people make the mistake of writing the way they speak, which often times causes unnecessary wordiness. Other times writers “throw in” extra words and phrases, perhaps because they think their sentences need to be longer to “sound” more academic when in reality, concise writing has been proved more effective time and time again.
To practice eliminating unnecessary wordiness, complete the following activity:
- Write an illustration paragraph with the following topic sentence (filling in the blanks, of course): A good ______________ is _____________________, _______________________ and ________________________.
- Example of an appropriate topic sentence: A good restaurant is clean, with a nice cozy ambiance, has a welcoming staff that treats all guests as special patrons, and of course, serves delicious food with a variety of healthy options, plus a few naughty choices just for fun.
- Support the topic sentence with at least one specific example of each of the three characteristics (five to eight sentences).
- Examples of the kind of specific detail that I’m looking for: Never Blue, one of my favorite restaurants in downtown Hendersonville, has a variety of healthy choices on its menu, including homemade hummus and house-cured salmon, but some naughty choices also, like the incredible “Devils on Horseback” (goat cheese-stuffed dates) and the sinful phyllo-wrapped chocolate confection simply called “The Brownie.”
- Write a final supporting example or a concluding sentence for a paragraph that is 7 to 10 sentences long–no more, no less.
- Revise the rough draft. Here’s a guide
- Re-write any clauses that begin with “There” or “It”
- Eliminate any use of first or second person pronouns (I, me, my, mine, we, us, our, ours, you, yours, etc)–Re-write, if needed
Eliminate any use of the following words or phrases–Re-place these words and phrases or re-write, if needed.
- a lot
- due to the fact that
- that said
- Well (as a filler word, okay to use it as an adverb)
- as a matter of fact
- See other deadwood words and phrases to avoid by clicking on this link: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/plague.htm
- Submit the rough draft and the revision ON THE SAME DOCUMENT and submit. Be sure to label the rough draft and the final draft, so I know which one to grade.
- Remember, I want to see a great deal of descriptive, specific examples, not just generic supporting points.
I like giving these shorter paragraph assignments early on in first-semester freshman English because I can give extensive feedback more easily and students get some concrete ways to revise their papers early on.
If you have any suggestions for ways that students who are not used to writing academically can learn to revise and edit their papers more easily, please share!
I also would love it if you would consider submitting to my literary journal designed for writing teachers, Teach. Write. My fourth edition is slated for publication on April 1, 2019. Deadline for submissions is March 1, 2019. See the submission guidelines for more information. Previous editions are free online.